I've been in a relationship for six years. The next question is, why am I not engaged after all that time. Well, trust me, we had the same question, but I'll get into that later. The point is I've learned some valuable lessons from myself and others that I can't just keep to myself!
It's a new year and the best time to think about what you're looking for in a relationship or what you and your partner can look forward to making better. You may have already made new year resolutions, but here are some reasons why you may need to change your #relationshipgoals.
1. If you've set a time limit
Most of us are guilty of it. We have an idea of where we are "suppose" to be by a certain year or age. (Trust me, I'm talking to myself right here) The problem is, if time is taking over your thoughts, you might be lacking in actually getting to know someone. Also, you might be busy plotting the future, that you're not enjoying your relationship where it's at in THIS season. All because your overly focused on your time-frame. You can't control how fast the clock is ticking, so don't strip yourself of the best times ever trying to make it to a finish line, instead focus on being happy right here, right now.
2. You've set your standards based off of your friends
While it is crucial to look up to certain people and admire what they have, it is just as important to value differences. If every person is different, then you better believe every relationship is different, and that ought to be celebrated. There are SO MANY factors of why your friend's relationships are different than yours. ANDDDD wellll.... let's be honest, you only know what someone tells you, friends, or not, so be careful with how much you base your goals off of friends.
3. Social media has dictated your view
Whew! We have the best of the best images and videos of the perfect relationships at our fingertips 24/7. The screenshots quickly make it to group chats; you tap one button to send it to your friend instantly, and next thing you know, your looking at yourself differently because what you have isn't quite matching up to Ciara and Russell. We all can learn from each other, but when you find yourself subconsciously comparing yourself. Its time to bring it back on in.
If now, when you get a "wyd" text, you are reserved to continue talking to someone, think to yourself twice if this is YOUR standard, or did you see too many " don't let him hit you with a wyd text sis" memes. All I'm saying is, just ask yourself if you're passing up getting to know someone that is genuinely interested in your day because you applied the pressure of social media standards on them before they got a chance.
4. When Distance is the Determining Factor
Is somebody not even a factor because they're too far, or are you not taking it seriously because they are too far? If so, it may be time to make a few changes. Now more than ever, we have all the resources to help with that. Facetime being the number one lifesaver. I've seen some amazing relationships while conquering the long-distance "issue." This isn't an easy one, none of them are, but I think it's worth it more than we try.
I actually moved in the opposite direction then most people do. I went from living next door (literally, likeeee he could knock on my bedroom wall) to currently living 2 and a half hours away, and sooner than later, it might be 13 hours. This actually helped more than hurt, but I'll update ya'll about that 13-hour move, and see if I feel the same way lol.
5. Money is your motive
In a world of hot girls and city girls (which I love to listen to myself), our judgment can quickly get clouded into thinking love or interest from someone is only in the form of Gucci bags and YSL shoes. Guys! You are not off the hook. You also start to think that if you pull out that black card or fly somebody out, everything you ever wanted should drop down in your lap. It's simple, there has to be more to it than this.
6. Family Pressure
This comes in all sizes, shapes, and forms. We love them dearly, yes we do; unfortunately, they can't live out our lives. So if you're not moving fast enough for their time frame, IT'S OKAY! If you're not dating the type of people they imagined you would since you were four years old, it's OKAY! So when you see yourself setting your standards, and trying to make mom, pops, grandma, auntie, unc, grandpa, and whoever else happy and it contradicts what you want, remember me screaming IT'S OKAYY!!!! Yes, I'm literally screaming. They love you, and it may not be easy, but it will be okay.
7. Worried about an Image
Don't all raise your hand at once, but some of y'all are turning down opportunities for love based on an image. Whether it is looks, education, house, car, Instagram followers, etc. Now listen, I'm not saying you can't like what you like and want what you want, but are you saying no because you're genuinely not interested or is it that you don't like what other people might say?
Once again, no one can see you, you're just reading, but if in the back of your brain you know you swipe left in real life (tinder users know), my one compound question to you is, do you think you'd be happy when no one is looking and will you be smiling at 75 from the conversations you're having in the rocking chairs?